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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

You're Welcome (Amended for Magic: the Gathering Retailers)


I see what's happening here
You're face-to-face with business, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's adorable!
Well, it's nice to see retailers never change

Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's Magic: breathe it in!
I know it's a lot: the rules look hard
When you're staring at a trading card!

What can I say except You're Welcome
For card sorting that'll take eternity
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, You're Welcome
I'm just an ordinary TCG

Hey! What has two thumbs that pulled up the trade
When customers burned out on role play?
This game! 

When the sales got cold
Who paid your rent from down below
You're lookin' at him, yo

Oh, then I sent players in your doors
You're Welcome!
To crack the packs for EV scores

Also I harnessed their wills
You're Welcome!
To fill your seats but not your tills!

So what can I say except You're Welcome!
For Trop Islands and Underground Seas
There's cash or there's trade, it's okay You're Welcome!
Ha, but can you turn enough to pay a lease?
You're Welcome! You're Welcome!

Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I can go on and on
I can explain every industry going-on
The dumping, the spikes, the crashes, yeah
Just Magic Finance there kicking your asses

I opened a store
Just me and my spouse
We run FNM and now we're a clubhouse!

What is the lesson
What is it WOTC said?
Who needs net income when you can burn overhead!

And the resellers dumping at cost?
We got full wholesale, there's nothing we've lost
Can't keep it up?
Can't make better sales happen?
Pay 'em to play so they don't have to spend to be tappin'!

Well, anyway let me say You're Welcome
For a small-business game no one wins
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, You're Welcome!
As long as there's gross revenue up ins!

Hey, it's your day to say You're Welcome
'Cause Hasbro's gotta pay dividends
Keep investing away, away, You're Welcome!
'Cause Magic just replaces you in the end!

You're Welcome!
You're Welcome!
And thank you!

-Image and original lyrics (C)2016 the Walt Disney Company.  Used in accordance with 17 U.S.C. § 107.

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